The Waiting Game

Once the egg is fertilized, the new little embryo is monitored to see how it grows. And embryologist does this by checking a certain number of times daily. It is marked down how fast and well the embryo cells seem to be dividing. This is then compared against what is considered 'perfect'. In our treatment cycle in 2013 all of our embryos were of poor quality by day five. But they had survived to day 5 which is a good thing.
This time around, our clinic offered a new and improved technology. The Embryoscope. This is essentially a time lapse video that is constantly monitoring the growth of the embryo. It provides to-the-minute information about how well, or poorly, each embryo is growing. Given that we had just invested so much time and emotional energy into producing the eggs and embryos, we were not able to overlook this opportunity - especially since the embryos had been of poor quality last time. We wanted the extra insight and did not mind the extra cost. What's another penny in the bucket anyways, right?! (Helicopter parenting at its finest! I made sure my offspring were not left alone literally from the moment of conception!)
Each day we would wait for the the phone call from the clinic with a report card. Given the emotional exhaustion, drug recovery, new drug protocol, and nearly paralyzing fear that this would all go poorly starting now, the wait was not an easy one. Amazingly, each phone call we received was positive. In some cases the embryo transfer is done on day 3, like if the clinic is not sure any embryos will survive until day 5. But, we were told that we would be waiting until day 5. Wait we did. 
I played with my daughter. Chatted with my family. Fantasized about having lots of healthy embryos (and thus opportunities to try to get me and C pregnant). Imagined C getting pregnant. But also, imagined having two poorly embryos left and having little hope. I imagined negative pregnancy tests.
In the mean time, Lee went home again, and returned with C. 
Their arrival, the evening of Day 4, was surreal. Here is this woman who has been taking drugs and giving herself injections all so that she can try to become pregnant with my child. She was sitting there in my grandmother's living room, chatting with my family like it was a typical day. And yet, the conversation was about number of embryos to transfer, fears, excitement... It was so wonderful to have the stop-over in Orillia (my hometown) because it meant that C had the opportunity to meet my family. They welcomed her openly, as I knew they would. I wanted her to see the whole family that was thinking of her, and thanking her, and grieving with us. I am a firm believer in 'it takes a village to raise a child' - I wanted C to see my village, Patrick and Maggie's grieving village, and the village that is waiting with open arms and sad hearts for another baby, one that she was going to help bring. She would be at the centre of the village. How amazing is that? 
xx