Deliberating Delivery

Planning for a surrogacy delivery is complicated in the best of situations. Where will the delivery occur? How can it be sure that the Intended Parents will be present? Who will be present? What interventions will and will not be allowed? What is the birth plan? Delayed cord clamping? Who will hold the baby first? What risks are involved and are they tolerable? I could probably have devoted an entire blog to the decisions that were made in this regard. 

The simple version is this: We both wanted a home birth for C (and for me). We both wanted to be followed by midwives and to have a doula's support during labour and delivery. We both wanted a water birth, with no intervention, delayed cord clamping, and immediate skin-to-skin with me. 

The complications: C lives 1.5 hours from us. We are planning a home birth but should there be complications a transfer to hospital would occur. So, whose home would C birth in? We considered both of our homes. I personally wanted to plan a delivery in our home. I liked the idea of having my midwives, who have supported me through all three of my own pregnancies, being present. It seemed full circle to me. I liked the idea of being in our home because I would either be recently post-partum, or very pregnant. I believed that being in my own home would be more comfortable either way. Above all of that, we needed to try to plan for C's emotional well-being. I was cocnerned that if we left too quickly, she might feel used or overlooked. I thought that if she was in our home that she could stay as long as she wanted, and leave when she chose, giving her some power in ending that part of the journey. Luckily, we all agreed on this. 

Once this was decided, a new complication was to be considered. What if C was in a quick moving labour and she is unable to reach us in Pembroke? That would require planning for delivery in her home, just in case. Given that there could be complications, we needed to plan for a possible hospital delivery - in Pembroke and Ottawa. All of a sudden, we are planning for a possible delivery in four different places. The planning for hospital births, as it would turn out, became particularly complicated. 

Another element of the planning is the emotional side, for C and myself. There is no way to know what C's experience would be, nor my own. I felt insecure. I was concerned the baby would want and love C naturally; I did not want them to be near each other. I wanted to catch the baby and hold it until I was convinced it knew I was Mummy... but, I could only imagine how important it would be for C and her family to see and hold the baby. 

We found a wonderful, warm, understanding doula who had twins of her own to attend both of our births. She had tears in her eyes when I spoke of Maggie and Patrick so I knew she would be a compassionate and supportive person to be with me. C also decided she wanted this doula present. We sat and discussed, ad nausea, all the potential outcomes for labour and delivery. Where we would be, who would go into labour first, etc. 

Ultimately, we had to approach late pregnancy and due dates with flexibility; there was so much that we could not know. In the mean time, I pushed myself to engage in the planning discussions without being overcome with fear that we would not reach that time with healthy pregnancies. 

xx