Today

I am sitting in my family room, my favourite room in our home. Not because we have done anything particularly wonderful with it, but it is inviting and is family centred. There is a round space dedicated to a playroom, but the toys inevitabley make their way into the sitting area where EllaGrace brings them to be closer to us; today I am joined by four dolls, two stuffed animals, two books, and a blanket (and yes, she does have too much!). We have a wood burning stove, which Lee does a wonderful job of lighting before I ever make it down stairs in the morning. Every morning I comment to EllaGrace about how wonderful Daddy is for having made a warm space for us, and now she too often remarks upon it. The room is also surrounded by windows and the blinds are always open. I suppose people can see in, but it also means that I can be cozy on my couch, with the fire on a night like tonight, and watch the snow fall. EllaGrace is freshly in bed, last heard giggling with delight at the glow-in-the-dark stars that she and Daddy put up a few days ago. Lee is cooped up in the office working on a final paper for school. So the dog, Rosie, and I are enjoying the quiet of winter and the warmth of our home. 

Minutes ago I received a text from C, a joke about a comment I made on a Surrogate Facebook group (drama, drama!). It is amazing, probably so much so that it has still not really sunk in, that she and I have both past the 28 weeks pregnant mark. That puts us both in the third trimester. Each day increases the odds of healthy, living baby(ies) joining our family. What a miracle. Miracle of modern science. Miracle of mother nature. Miracle of God. Call it whatever you want. I should confess though, that I typed those last lines and then I nearly deleted them because of my fear. I leave them because I want to take the small opportunities that I give myself to rejoice in the pregnancies and how far each of them have come. But, if I am totally forthcoming when I write, then I need to add "knock on wood", and 'if', and all sorts of other negative, hypothetical language that I use to create distance and safety. 

Our journey is far from over, but already I can look back on the last 28 weeks and say with complete honesty that it has been a positive experience (surrogacy, not being pregnant!). There are so many nightmares to read about, negative experiences, losses of communication, etc. C and I have become closer. I think that we have been realistic with our expectations of one another while also trying to be considerate. Any time that I have doubt, like the time that I thought we might not be in touch enough for her, so started trying to touch base more often, she emailed me about the same topic. It has been easy. I can only hope that the next 12 weeks are as smooth sailing as the last 28 have been. 

xx